48 x 48 Inches, Mixed Media
The vulnerability of this painting is hard to put into words. The number of layers you would have to scrape through to get to the canvas would take forever. There was an immense amount of frustration through so many stages of this painting that I had to simply stop all together. I tried to start over by painting the whole thing white. I thought if I could just have a fresh start and a bank canvas again I would be able to create that sense of freedom I was aching for in this painting. But as I started covering all of the pink pours of paint, I felt like I was only masking an incredibly beautiful story. One full of heart break, pain, disappointments, struggles, anger, and fear. Yet through the most insecure parts, I found a boldness that would not let me just "start over." There was too much to learn from. So many layers that had a voice and a story to be told. An important once that I couldn't just cover up because someone needed to hear those exact words, feel those exact emotions, and to feel not alone. It is a beautiful testimony to be shared.
I was so drawn to this painting in every way because I would have never predicted the outcome of this one. There is so much growth in this beautiful mess. There is a fight in her that cannot be dimmed. She is a light. And even on the hard days, she still holds onto God's promises. The blue arch in this painting reflect the Father's faithfulness in those promises. That we are loved. That we are worthy. That He will fight for us. That His plans will prosper us. That He gives peace. That there is purpose in all of this. It is worth all of the waiting to finally added the rest of these layers. The painting kept growing in color becoming more vibrant and free. There is a freedom about her that captivates me. She reminds me of the Hebrew word "hineni" which means, "Here I am. Send me."
No limits, no distractions, Lord send me. To be fully available and ready to obey instructions. There is boldness and freedom that rings on that one word. True worship is obedience to the voice of God. There is peace on the other side of obedience but not without sacrifice. When God approached Abraham to ask him to offer his only son as a sacrifice, Abraham responded, "Hineni!" not knowing what God was about to ask. We can't always see how God is creating our story but my prayer is that we respond with this freedom, peace, and boldness. Hineni!